"How do I know I’m in love with you?” he asked. “Well, first off, I don’t, because I’ve never been in love before. But I imagine this is what it is, it has to be, or else I’m the first person to discover this feeling. Because it’s not just a word to me, it’s not a condition—it’s a state of being, that’s what it is, whatever this is. All I know is that I miss you. I miss you so much. Whenever I’m in waiting rooms or on the subway and I don’t have anything to think about, I think of you. And when I do think of other things, I think of you. I think of what you’d think of them. I look at trees, I look at cars, I look at the sheets on my bed and I wonder what you’d say about them. I imagine you laughing. I love the sound of your laughing. I love the sound of your questions, the sound of your outrage, the sound of your silence. I love all of it. I don’t see your face in every crowd but when I see faces and I think they’re beautiful I hear your voice in my head. ‘You’ve got to be kidding,’ you say, and then I am derailed as I realize you are right, that I am kidding, that there is no face more beautiful than yours—no other face worthy of the word. It’s beautiful because I think of your eyes and how they would they look at me and I know that the only currency I want to own is your attention. How I’d want to be rich from it. How I’d accept any of it. I hear voices and I only hear your cadence. It’s like listening to a cover song. I was afraid because at first I thought that love was poison. I didn’t trust it. I only thought it could hurt. And this, this being without you, it aches like a hunger. But it doesn’t hurt me, because I can’t be hurt—because love, your love, is not a poison. It’s a medicine. It’s the only thing keeping me alive right now. I want it so badly, but I don’t need it. I only need for you to be happy. If that’s with me or if that’s without me. That’s all. That’s all I will ever need. I think I am in love with you and when I think of ‘in love’ I think of falling deep, deep, like Alice down the rabbit hole. But I don’t know where I’m going, and I don’t know if I’m going anywhere. I don’t care. I’m just reaching out in the darkness for your hand."